Moving

I will be moving on Saturday. I get the keys Friday, have lots of friends over Saturday to help, Sunday clean my old place, monday turn in old key.

I have a lot of stuff. And, I think just like throwing away food, i dislike throwing away my stuff. I think we all think our stuff is worth money. So, why give away something when I might be able to sell it?

Same thing with food. What if I want it later? Sure, it didnt sit well, but I might want it tomorrow :-) So, it sits there, taking up space, until it goes bad. Bleh.

Also with this move comes a big jump in rent. (Im moving out of a two bedroom into a one bedroom to get away from my roommate.) So, what I am giving up in money, I am gaining in the use of the living room (including writing in the living room, and doing yoga or exercise videos). It means budgeting a lot more closely in my food expenditures, which is both good and bad. No more trips to the grocery store for entertainment.

Something Else for the Article

(Im probably going to write a sociological article about my WLS journey.)

I should talk about responses after surgery. I had a myriad of responses before surgery, and now am getting a few types of responses after surgery.

Mostly, the people that knew about it wont say anything to me, until 1) we are in private, and no one else is around, and 2) the end of the evening, when we are saying goodbye. They do say "you are looking good," which is nice, but its almost an afterthought.

The other half dont say anything until I say something about it :-)

In other news, my boobs are shrinking. "They" say that you melt from the top down, and thats certainly true so far for me. :-)

Friday P&C

Cons
Im not taking my vitamins/medication that I should.
I am very overwhelmed with school.
I will probably be moving, and I hate moving.
With the move, my budget is now stretched too far.
Lunchables are now gross to me. And, I need to stop buying bad foods (baked cheetos, while delicious, are not good for me).
Still not drinking. Anyone know the minimum amounts needed for life? I might drink 20oz a day, 30-40 on a good day, but my pee is always light, and I dont show any other signs of chronic dehydration, other than occasional thirst.

Pros.
Only threw up once this week! And I had to go back to check! :-)
I found that freshly made iced tea with sweet n low is about the only artificial sweetner that I can handle right now. Which is good, because previously I couldnt handle any :-)
Lunchables are now gross to me.
Ive become more at peace with the weight loss process. I had to think hard about what the number on the scale was, because I just looked at the "amount lost" number. I think ive realized that there is no "going back" to my old ways (and that they would make me sick right now), so i'll just learn as I go alone. I think its an important mental shift
I have workout buddies, and I actually did exercise! I also bought (online) swimsuits, so I can do water aerobics.

Lap VSG 12/20 with Dr. Alvarez
320/287/160 (Higher CW due to new scale.)

Foods

So, bologna, that was perfectly fine two weeks ago? Now my stomach refuses it. Silly thing.

I miss chicken. I miss being able to make chicken into anything, or just eat it plain. Turkey is so expensive! I can buy turkey cutlets, but its like 5 bucks a pound! Argh!

I am about to (well, kinda have) go on a very strict budget. Two pounds of meat per week should be enough, along with cheese. I need to make up my recipes and see if I can get the right nutrition through them before I commit to it.

Stuff

My therapist says I dont have a disorder. If my food obsessions start interfering with my daily life, i'll have an issue. Otherwise, she chalks it up to a new eating habit.

I also have a short appointment with the facilitators of the body image group. Part of me is reluctant, because someone struggling with body image might be triggered by me and my weight loss, and because it takes up my precious time :-) But, it might be interesting. We shall see what the facilitators think.

Chicken and rice soup, with salsa and cheese, went down okay. Better than I thought :-) The salsa chunks were a bit much, but I can deal with that.

Im thinking about moving. The situation with my roommate has gotten really out of control. (She thinks she can leave her stuff on the couch, and then she yells at me because I move it when my friends come over, so, ya know, they have a place to sit!) Her compromise is that she get to leave her stuff over half of the couch. My compromise will be informing management about her fishtanks, illegal pet, and other issues. Unfortunately, the solution to the issue will involve me moving. (They wont make her move, or they will make us both move, either way, I have to move.)

I might ask for a one bedroom, and pay out the ass until August. I'll be moving in with a friend in August, so it means moving twice in a year. Bleh, but I can pack stuff up and keep it in boxes, except for the clothes. (Man, I have a lot of clothing!)

Trials in Food

Vegetarian sausage and gravy? No go. bleh! Tasted bad, and my body didnt like it. Tea with sweet and low? Awesome :-) I will try the splenda tomorrow, see if I like that. Otherwise, I can deal with sweet and low. (splenda and saccharine tablets were gross, and most other artificially sweetened things dont taste right.)

Those little lunchable jr things? Perfect! It was yummy, and just the right size :-) I think the big lunchable will be at least two servings.

I think i'll freeze my foods in containers. If I do 4 servings in the 4 oz containers, then the rest in two cup containers, that will work better. Then, if I want to give away food (or dont eat it in time), I have a reasonable portion for someone else.

I think i'll call my therapist tomorrow. I would like to know if my food thoughts are normal or bordering on obsessive. I also want to talk about my use of food for comfort. Im not really eating for comfort, I cant really do that anymore, but I still see food as a comforting factor. Ive spent the evening looking up food recipes :-)

I was also planning on making the water aerobics class tomorrow. Until I realized that I threw away my swimsuits. (They both didnt fit, and the elastic has gone out of them.) Argh! I bought two new swimsuits. One is a size 22, the other is a 16 (and it was 3 bucks!). So, I figure the 22 will fit for sizes 24 to 20, and the 16 will fit from sizes 18 to 14ish.

Meals

(Thinking out loud).

In the fridge, for this week, I have turkey meatloaf, italian sausage soup (not as good as my dads, but passable), italian sausage tomato sauce, and two turkey/cheese/small crackers lunchable things. (I also have 4 servings each of the sauce and the meatloaf in the freezer for later).

Monday: Holiday! One serving each of meatloaf, soup, and tomato sauce.

Tuesday. Short class day. I'll bring probably a tomato sauce and a meatloaf thing, and have those.

Wednesday. Short class day. Meatloaf, sauce, and lunchable.

Thursday. Really long class day. Meatloaf, sauce, lunchable. At home, freeze whatever is still leftover from the week. (I might do this wednesday, and just set out stuff for Thursday).

I'll probably plan on soup when I get home.

(This sounds like a boring week! :-) I should probably get the taco meat chili into smaller containers, so I can take it next week.

I tried beef today! It was a sample of the HEB fully cooked pot roast, it was really good :-) I might get that next week, or the week after. I saw a packet for crock pot stroganoff, I might try to make that for next week.

Saturday is my friend's party, I am bringing cheese dip, and pretzels, marshmallows and potato chips for the chocolate fountain.

P&C

Hmmm.

Cons:
Threw up once. At least I know the difference between "Hey, my body cant handle this" and "Idiot, you ate too much" vomiting now. :-)
Still intolerant to Chicken.
Eating bad things. (Potato Chips, fruit snacks, chocolate).
Not drinking enough. Water just doesnt do it for me, and a lot of artificial sweeteners are not good either.
Hit my week three stall. bleh
I am seriously going to go crazy this semester. I have four major research projects, and three finals due within days of each other. Argh!

Pros:
Bought a scale. Even though it hasnt moved :-)
I am able to eat and tolerate more foods. This is tempered by me needing to eat the better things for me.
Will be picking up a chest freezer tomorrow. 50 bucks for something that is 200 bucks used. This will allow me to cook in advance and freeze things so I dont get burned out.
Got through my first week of school!
Bought my Orlando/Vegas tickets! :-)

Lap VSG 12/20 with Dr. Alvarez
320/291/160 (Higher CW due to new scale.)

Portions

I really like my Gladware Mini cups. Four ounce containers, filled half full, is about that I can eat right now.

Ive stopped getting mad at the food that I cant eat. But, I still have this pathological desire to eat all my food that I serve me (or that gets served to me). I feel a sense of accomplishment when I finish whatever I have, and I feel a slight feeling of loss when I have to throw away or cover food.

Im starting to recognize it. Looking at a 4oz container with two bites left, and wondering if I can finish it. Or, my foamies? I was looking at the last two bites of something, and deciding to eat it. (Then my tummy decided that was too much, and up it came!) At school, I am a bit more willing to put my food back, because I dont really want to throw up at school. (Side note, I can throw up into a container, or into a sink, but not really into a toilet. Interesting thing to ponder.)

I think this is why I like my mini cups. I can usually portion out the perfect portion, so I can take the last bite feeling satisfied but not overfull.

In other news, I think i'll be going crazy this semester. Four major research papers. Bleh.

Foamies

Okay, I finally got a case of the foamies. At least, the first that I actually noticed. I felt kinda icky, then noticed that my nose was running. And I was swallowing a lot.

This was the "one bite too many" throwing up. Which was different than the horrible cant stop salmon throwing up, so I now know the difference between them. Still isnt spitting up, darn it!

But, I made it very close to the 60 grams of protein mark today, woohoo!

Tomorrow is hydration. I bought a body fat scale that also does body hydration percentage. Its supposed to be 50 to 60%. What am I at? 25. Yes, I know I am dehydrated, but I cant seem to drink more than about 20 ounces.

So, tomorrow, I will start with a glass of milk in the morning. I will bring chocolate milk with me to work (probably drink it in class), and a yogurt drink for before/after class. And my water.

For some reason, most of the other liquids that I drank before now taste weird for me :-) Like, Kool Aid used to be good, now its not, same thing with the tea that I made. (But, tea from a restaurant is good :-) It might be the artificial sweeteners, the tablets dont seem to work well. But, fruit juices and such are nice :-)

I made 40!

Actually, 42. Grams. Of protein :-)

Im excited!

Now, it may not be the healthiest thing in the world how I did it, but I did it, and im happy with it.

3 oz ground Venison. 23 grams
.125 cup (1/8th) of Alfredo sauce. 1 gram
4 tsp of Parmesan cheese. 8 grams.

(This above was eaten over two meals.)

1/4th of a South Beach pizza, with 1 tsp Parmesan cheese. 10 grams

Half a bag of South Beach whole wheat crackers. 1 gram.

Thats 42! Now, if I just cut out the 100% fruit juice in the morning, I can get my carbs lower. But, I was still only at 41, thats not too bad. Kinda low on calories, but Im okay with that.

Tomorrow, I will do another vat (4oz) of the venison Alfredo concoction, and more cheese. I need to try tuna eventually as well.

New Food Experiment

Ground venison. I mixed it with some alfredo sauce, parmesan cheese, and some italian seasonings and garlic salt.

I could eat about an ounce of it, but it was good. I'll take some of it to school. Its sitting kinda heavy, but not in the "its about to come up" way.

I am either getting taco seasoning or making my own taco seasoning for later. I think ground meat with taco seasoning and cheese would be good. :-)

Im trying to think of other things to mix with my ground meat, anyone have any suggestions? I am getting some beans to try to make chili, and im kinda tired of tomato sauce. :-)

Food

So, things I have thrown up: Chicken, avocado, salmon, spinach artichoke dip. I felt nauseous when I had butter, so thats out.

Things I have tolerated? Chocolate, cheese, broccoli cheese soup, whole wheat crackers, 1/6th of a grilled cheese sandwich, potato chips, and a few bites of a pickle.

Man, that pickle was awesome! :-)

Next thing to try? Tuna with low fat mayo. Sunday, probably. I am also getting raw milk, so hopefully that will go down well, its a good source of healthy nutrition, protein, and calories. I feel better when I eat more calories. Im not to the point that I have measurable portions, so I havent been tracking anything.

I do notice that my stomach is less queasy in the afternoons and evenings, so I might go for liquids (or milk) in the morning, and wait until a few hours after getting up before eating.

I also need to buy and portion my foods for school. That will probably be cheese, and soup, and soup with cheese. I had hoped to be on more solid foods before school started, but I should be okay with this for a few days. Anyone else have mushy/soup food suggestions for school? I have a fridge in my office (which is already stocked with water and juice), and access to a microwave down the hall.

Food

I ate broccoli cheese soup! I had about three oz of soup, including the bit of cheese that I added to it. I dont feel bad at all. So, I think i'll be going back to full liquids for a few days. (I might try cheese with crackers tomorrow, depending on how I feel.)

I threw up the salmon today. I asked on OH why its not the "spitting up" that everyone talks about. Someone posted that the gut wrentching vomiting is from intollerance, rather than just having too much. So, chicken and salmon are on the "try again in a week" list.

I did have half a meatball and some frieds today, and got the icky feeling, but I didnt throw it up. I think my tummy is sensitive to fat. I tried to have higher fat things to up the calorie level, so i'll be sticking to lower fat stuff for a while as well.

Anyone have scale recomendations? I want one that measures body fat as well. (I saw one that also measured hydration levels, that seems cool!)

Throwing up

Well, it had to happen sometime.

I ate dinner around 7. I was hungry again around 9:30ish. I fixed leftovers of chicken with avocado. It was yummy! It wasnt sitting well, and I was gurgling like mad!

And then I spit up. Out of the blue, it appeared in my mouth. Ewww!

Now, from what I had been lead to believe, throwing up after VSG isnt really throwing up. Its more like spitting up. Eat to much, spit it up, and thats it. Liars!

No, I spit up. Then threw up. Then had the gut wrenching throwing up. It was gross. And green. (From the avocado).

I didnt get the "foamies" until I had been about halfway done with the throwing up. (Foamies being the mucus stuff in the mouth) Though, my sinuses were really clogged afterwards, I had to blow my nose when I was done.

So, my WLS people reading this, how long do you wait before eating again?

Mushies

Im starting mushies. Two days before schedule. But, seriously, I could not handle any more of the "full liquids," and I was pushing it anyways.

So far, ive had about 1/4 cup of loaded mashed potatoes (from instant.) With a little bit of butter. And, now, im having cream cheese with crab and shrimp. Yummy! I am also to the point that I can eat slower (since the food is more dense), and

I think im getting the tiredness from the lack of calories (hence, the cream cheese and butter), and from the not drinking. I was also getting worried about my tendency to not eat, but after today, I have that chalked up to the very limited yucky food choices of full liquids. Now that I have more food choices, I want to eat :-)

My goal this week is to eat the food that I cook. Meaning, leftovers. My roommate comes home tomorrow (Boo!), and I can have her clean out the fridge so there is actual room for my stuff. I also have to be okay with throwing away food (aka, if I am not going to eat it, it does no good sitting in the fridge.)

Dealing with "Diets"

Im trying to figure out how to deal with my friends and my weight loss. I have a number of friends that are trying to be healthier, either through diets or working out. One of my workout partners was asking how to keep himself motivated, doing the same workouts that I am, but watching me "melt away" might discourage him.

I think i'll just offer to work out with them, and try to not focus on a diet portion.

I also should probably step on a body fat analyzer scale, to bolster my new theory. (My theory is that BMI will be abandoned in the next few years as an "obesity" measure, instead, body fat percentage will become the new standard.)

I also need to go take a walk! And, shopping does not count! (It counts, but not for my "walk." :-)

Happy Dance

Size 24 jeans!

Im down two jean sizes since surgery :-)

Food Realization

Things I cook are much better than things I buy.

Not just nutrition wise, but taste wise. I have two containers of soup in the fridge, and what have I eaten? The things that I made. They were so much better!

So, i'll make a trip to the store to make my own chicken soup, since I need more liquids. I bought eggs to make egg drop soup, so i'll have that a little later. (I hope it stores well :-)

Six more days on liquidy type foods. I hope to make them good! :-)

Goals

Everyone else is doing it :-) (Crossposted from my LJ)

I just re-read my LJ from Jan 2d, 2006. It says 1) coming to terms with my body and throwing away my scale (which I never did). 2) Exercise. 3) Yoga. 4) Home cooking. 5) Money management.

Gee, sounds a lot like this post :-)

My goals:

Set aside an hour a day for "working out." This includes everything from the 40 minute c25k workouts, to an hourlong yoga or water aerobics. If I do the c25k every other day, probably repeating a few days/weeks until I can do them, and then do the yoga/water aerobics on alternate days, and *try* to plan a longer activity on a weekend day.

Cook at home, and have food available at work. Fast food will be off limits :-) (Of course, its not too bad if I can only have two chicken nuggets, or two bites of a cheeseburger, but I still dont need to be buying that stuff. Its far healthier and more economical to cook at home.) It also allows me to control the quality of food that I am getting :-)

Manage my money. I would like my high interest 2k loan paid off, and I would like my 4k credit card balance cut in half. I am expecting a refund, which will pay off the highest loan, and the credit card balance will go down with monthly payments. I also need to save money for the summer, for the classes and living expenses.

Try not to be depressed over the lack of my romantic life.

Oh, and remain optimistic about my graduate school career. Get the conference presentations written, work on theory, learn how to apply abstract theory to my concrete examples. Try to get an article in publication. And finish my thesis (1st draft) by the end of the summer.

Determined

I am determined to eat this!

It might take me an hour, but I want it! I want to be able to say to myself that a food is worth eating, even if it takes an hour, or that a food is worth putting up after an ounce.

Ive compromised on my "full liquids" stage. Right now, im okay with eating pureed foods. Nothing chunky or that requires chewing, but something that I wouldnt be able to put in a cup and drink.

What im eating now? I microwaved a soy chicken nugget (the rest are vacuumed sealed in the freezer), added a little cheese, and then blended it with a lot of pasta sauce. On first eating, I got maybe a half an ounce of it down. Yummy! And mixed better than regular chicken.

Foods

Split pea soup without salt really sucks. I also hated that I bought it at a restaurant, and it wasnt good enough to take home. :-(

but, it was nice to get out and be with my friends.

I wish I could eat more. Both volume and food wise. I have another week of full liquids. I dont know how I am going to do this :-)

Im debating my grocery choices. I think i'll start keeping a grocery book with prices, both of "regular" foods and of the special foods. "Special" is defined as organic and/or higher quality foods. Since I will only be eating small quantities, I might as well get as much nutrition and taste out of it.

Case in point: organics. Organic Cheese, free range eggs, and Grass Fed beef are higher in nutrition and Omega 3s and CLA, and the beef might even be lower in fat. I think it would also be a draw to not have fast food (aka, why waste money on organic beef if you are just having a hamburger from McDonalds!). So, the overall "healthiness" would reach into other forms of eating.

But, im a frugal person by nature. Im not sure if I can stand paying 5 bucks a pound for better cuts of beef when I can pay 99 cents for a pound of ground turkey. I will check to see if I can get 1/4 to 1/2 pound of organic ground beef at the beef counter (I know they have other organic options at the counter.) A lot of the recipes in my head use ground beef or ground sausage :-)

I am also going to write down everything I cook, to see what will go in the cookbook. I bought a toaster oven!

I hope I make it through another week of full liquids.