Hot Flashes

Okay, I expected to be cold. Losing this amount of insulation, I kinda figured it came with the territory.

But, hot flashes? no one said anything about these!

Someone said they were just because of the hormones getting messed up. And, that they went away at 3 months. Something else to look forward to.

(Its going to be really funny in class when I get a hot flash :-)

Diet

Man, I want food!

I was just figuring things. If I have one egg, 1 oz cheese, one string cheese, 2 oz turkey, 2 oz tuna, and 1/2 cup of cottage or ricotta cheese, thats 59 grams of protein for the day. Also, 519 calories, 26 grams of fat, and 9 carbs. Sounds good :-)

If I start the day with a crustless quiche, with an egg, maybe a splash of milk, with cheese and/or meat of some sort for breakfast, thats a good start. I can keep the small tuna cans and string cheese at work, and grab mayonaise packets somewhere so I can keep those instead of a jar :-) That puts turkey, ricotta/cottage cheese for dinner and a night snack.

Have to get past my liquids! Its annoying to only be able to "eat" 1/4 of a cup at a time. I want cute little ramekins to eat from! :-)

Updates

Simply Apple is the best stuff on earth. Those commercials were convincing, and its good! It tastes like liquid applesauce.

We have a new kind of sausage to try a new kind of sausage soup. Chicken Basil Parmesean sausage, with some onion, browned in a pan, with half a can of italian seasoning tomatoes and homemade turkey broth. We shall see how it turns out.

My incisions are itching. Im also getting random pains between the incisions, I think my insides are moving around. :-)

I am getting tired easily. Walking around the stores made me tired. And I get cognatively difficult when tired. I had to hold my mom's arm to walk out to the car, because I would forget that I was walking. I hopethat goes away tomorrow with the full liquids. Im also getting irritable.

I bought yogurt and soup for tomorrow. I found sticks of two ounces of yogurt, I think that will be a good size, rather than opening a full thing of yogurt. I also figured out that im craving bananas. :-)

Liquids

Woohoo for the liquids.

So, I cant take anything cold. And, things taste icky lukewarm. So, I am stuck with semi coolish tea, and water. Fun. Ooo, I also had apple juice, which was yummy.

I tried wonton soup broth, that was great, and there is turkey stock in the fridge for me for tomorrow. I will also be getting italian sausage soup broth, that sounds yummy.

No throwing up today! Woohoo! Almost did with my medicine, but nothing so far.

Hmmm, white chocolate davinchi syrup to go in my milk, so I can try it warm :-)

I start full liquids Thursday, after I get to my grandmothers house (so I dont have to worry about anything for the ride up there.)

IVs and Throwing Up

So, IVs suck. I hate them. I hated being tethered to them, they hurt, they got backed up, and then they really hurt. I felt so free when they took them out of me! More dehydrated, yes, but free!

Throwing up. Now, I was lied to! Everyones like "oh, its not so bad." MY ASS! Dry heaves the day after surgery. Mom said the first ones sounded like they were coming from my toes! That continued most of the first day, most of the second day, and even after getting the same anti nausea shots that chemo patients get!

Today, coming home, I didnt throw up. I did spit up at home, after taking my acid blocker, and then taking the pain pill, then drinking water when I felt it get stuck. No water after it feels like im going to throw up! Lesson learned, for now.

The latter was fine, spitting up wasnt an issue. And, the acid blocker actually helped quite a bit, I can drink a bit more now than I could before.

Im home now. Kinda smelly, I need to take a shower and wash my hair. But, I am recuperating at my parents house for the next week or so.

But, im sleeved and feeling fine!

im sleeved

typing with my left hand due to my iv. my 2nd iv.

Surgery went fine. I'm kinda hungry and really thirsty. I can't drink anything until tomorrow. A couple of sessions of dry heaves. My belly is yellow and it is 11 pm and I"m making my Mom type this.

This is from Mom -- in the hospital at birth -- she was off schedule. When all the other babies were sleeping was her awake time.

Same thing is happening here.

I met one of the other girls from OH -- but there were 4 of us getting sleeved today.

But I'm here, I"m safe, and I'm practicing my spanish.

Biggest Loser

No spoilers here :-)

So, I dont watch the biggest loser. Or, I didnt watch it this season, but I caught the ending.

It was interesting noticing the excess skin on the women. I would have loved to see their stomachs (though, someone elsewhere pointed out that they switch from bras and shorts to shirts and shorts at some point during the show.) So, even if you lose weight "the right way," you still end up with it.

Watching it last season, I realized that the only way to lose weight with diet and exercise is to do something extreme and excessive. Yes, if everyone had 4 hours a day to work out, plus a personal trainer and food prepared for them, we could all lose weight.

So, surgery? Or 4 hours of exercise. And, then you would have to keep up with the 4 hours of exercise to keep the weight off. Who has time for that?

(And, most of the Biggest losers have gained lots of weight afterwards. And, many have spoken of the eating disordered behaviors they did before the final weigh in, including eating only jello.)

In other news, im really excited about my cookbook idea :-) Ive started laying out the basic rules. It took the liquid diet/eating only once a day when I cheated, to realize how much food means to me. And, while obsessing about food next year may not be the best mental move, I like the creativity that it gives me. It also gives me a good reason to cook at home, rather than fast food.

Fat March

In another show that I followed, I looked at Fat March. According to the Wikipedia article, the participants walked 550 miles. The women that completed the march lost about 50 pounds (from 50 to 55), the guys that finished lost 85 or 88 pounds. So, calculated out, women have to walk 11 miles to lose a pound, and the guys have to walk 6.25 9unfair!). They also ate about 1500 calories a day.

Lets see, I have to lose 160 pounds, thats 1650 miles. Austin to San Francisco? 1757. Austin to New York? 1742. Austin to DC? 1523. Or, The very north of the country (arbitrarily picked as Sherwood, NC) to the almost south (San Antonio, TX). 1667.

Hmm, I wonder how well that show would go over. Walk across America in hopes of losing 160 pounds! Watch her be disappointed when she doesnt make it! :-)

It would only take half a year :-D

Scales

So, as you know, I decided not to buy a scale. I dont want to be a scale addict.

But, I think that weighing on different scales is going to drive me nuts!

Weigh at my parents house after thanksgiving. 320.

Weight at my friends house, a week after starting liquids/low calorie. 320.

Weigh at my doctors office Monday, on the fancy balance scale. 320.

Weigh today at my parents house? 310.

So, either I gained a lot of weight in two weeks before I started the liquid diet, or all of the scales are off. Which means, my weight loss is not going to be on a constant basis. I'll probably decide that my moms scale is the most accurate, and just track my weight whenever I come up here. (Im also not going to worry about the .2 or .4 or whatever points are on the scale. Whole numbers, baby!)

Until I break down and buy a scale :-)

Friday, and start of Saturday

Welcome to all my new readers! Im now part of the "Sassy Ladies of WLS" blog ring. Woohoo!

Okay, so, while being around friends will help me to not eat, being around friends with food, not helping.

White meat chicken, pepperoni, and crackers. And, the rest of my uber jello. (under 800 calories). So, overall, ive had a week of (except for one day) under 1000 calorie eating (from 400 to 900).

ARgh! Why is not eating so hard! Thats such a funny thing coming from me.

I think if I were given guidelines, like I am after surgery, I would be better at this. Because, im good about getting around rules. Like, for my full liquids stage, the guideline would be something that could be sipped through a straw. So, basically, anything I can throw in a blender and liquify I can have. Which means, I get to be creative with my food. (Mmmm, Turkey and dressing soup!) But, for this stage, its not guidelines, its a specific list of allowed foods. Bleh.

Today, its carnation sugar free instant breakfast, with Mootopia milk (the cool milk with less carbs and more protein). I'll head out, and drink iced tea most of the rest of the day. (And water).

So, plans. If I am hungry, drink water. If that doesnt work, drink milk. Then drink more water.

And, remember. The food that ive had? Except for the pepperoni and crackers :-) All of it didnt taste as good as I wanted it to taste. And, after the surgery (and the first week of clear liquids), I can have almost anything I want. Well, for a while it will have to be blended, but i'll have that freedom back.

Never knew how much food equaled freedom for me.

One Week to Go!

OKay, so, this blog is all about full disclosure. So, no hiding things from yall (even if you know me in person and can yell at me.)

I cheated today. Chicken Quesadilla and a pepperoni pizza. I had been mentally planning this for a few days, knowing I would be driving to the town that sells the pizza in the drive through.

And, ya know what? It wasnt even all that good. I had been imagining the pizza for days, the really good ones. This one was not fresh, not golden brown and delicious (as Alton Brown would say). So, it wasnt worth it. But I ate it.

No more food. no more cheating, no more bites of meat, no more salads, no nothing. I can have whats on my list, and nothing else. Which means, when I want to experiment, I get to try new protein! Yum! (<--Sarcasm)

(i'll probably go without protein, and just get it from my milk. I bought Mootopia, which has 4 carbs and 14 grams of protein per cup, so its better.)

In other news, I will be driving across the border with my surgeons wife, as the other people are driving in from San Antonio. Which means, my surgery is first, probably around 8am. Which means, when I wake up after my surgery (around noonish is probably when they will come try to drag me out of bed), it will be like getting up at a normal time! :-D

Surgery is in one week!

What day is this?

Surgery is in a week and a day.

I got an LJ feed, im very happy about it. I have 9 readers already!

I really need to up the liquids. If I finish this tea, i'll have about 40oz? Same as yesterday. This morning it was bad that drinking was causing my stomach to hurt, which is probably not a good sign ( a sign of dehydration. But my pee wasnt yellow!)

I bought new protein powder, its soy based. Please please please let me like it!

Tomorrow, I plan on milk, protein powder in milk or another beverage, tea, and water. Having a plan is helpful. I also need to take out the trash (now at 5 bags and counting). And, I would like to head to Hobby Lobby to check out crafty things. Maybe beads, I can do necklaces and give them away.

LiveJournal

My regular blog is at livejournal, though I have this one over here for other reasons.

My awesome friend set up a syndication! Go here: FatGirlShrinkin and you can read me on your LJ page :-) (My name is too long, it didnt fit all the way!

Thanks!

day 5.

Nine days to go!

Today is a much better day. Yes, I still ate, but my calories were lower. And, Chicken Nuggets did not lose their taste as I was chewing them to nothingness.

(Mental Note: No more chicken nuggets, no more salads. If you want to eat, your only options are grilled lean meats.)

I will buy unflavored soy protein tomorrow. My mom has a friend who recommended a brand, and if I dont like it, she will buy it from me :-)

I feel better about my paper. New resolution to 1) not procrastinate, which will get me to my goal of 2) being a better writer.

Also in a massive cleaning spree. Will get boxes to put stuff in.

Day 4

Life sucks.

First, I get an 82 on my qualitative paper. Which shows that 1) I dont write on a graduate level, 2) im going to get a B in the class, and 3) combined with the B in stats and the C in theory, my GPA is now lower than 3.0.

Which means, if I dont get an A next semester (I have yet to get an A in grad school), I lose my job, and if I cannot get an A, I cannot graduate. Bleh.

If I dont get an A on my book review in theory, I know I am a failure as a grad student.

On the food front, I cheated. I had 8oz of meat from taco cabana, then about 2/3rds of a salad, with chicken, cheese, and ranch dressing. Its better than the Chicken Nuggets I had planned on getting, but there were fire trucks and ambulances at McDs, so I skipped it. So, calories, 1144, but protein, 90 grams. I'll probably pay for this for the next two days.

So, after buying the salad (and the high protein milk for the week), my car wont start. I had to call a friend to jump it for me.

So, to recap. 1) Failure as a grad student, 2) crying all day, 3) grading (and more grading the rest of the week), 4) cheating on food (with the stomach ache to prove it). Oh, and 5) not getting laid before surgery. Nor probably a while after it.

Day Three

Bad. I was bad today. :-)

Day started with a crying fit. Wonderful!

Went to coffee with my OH friends. The first one there asks how I am, I say crying, shes like "day three?" Spot on :-) She said day four is the headache day, and day 5 it gets better.

Honestly, I have no idea what I was thinking when I left. We spent a good three hours talking, lots of good questions asked, it was nice. I left there in the mood to eat. Grrr.

I stopped by Rudy's. Got half a pound of turkey, and a sausage link. Which, both, were utterly gross when I chewed them into oblivian! I ate about half of each. Which, is a whole lot better than what I would have eaten before.

But, oh, my stomach! Icky icky! Im hoping i'll feel better in the morning.

Which, I copied my tests today. That are for tomorrow. What? Me? Procrastinating? No, no way :-) Of course, 110 tests into 120, the copier jams, and refuses to print two sided. So, 10 of the tests are one sided, as well as all of the makeup tests (which, I realize, after I printed them, that I messed up the question spacing! Argh! They will just deal with it.)

Made miso soup when I came home. The broth I bought was good, but it never disolved.

Tomorrow is my first day at work on the liquids. I have a box of chicken broth in my office, and a Sugar Free Carnation Breakfast premade in the fridge. I plan to go to HEB to get uber milk (higher protein, lower carb), and see if they have unflavored soy protein. Everything with whey protein absolutly sucks, and if they have unflavored soy, I can put it in other things. I have soy based protein shakes, but none have tasted good.

Day Two

Today was fun. I got tired of water and broth from yesterday, so I made sugar free kool aid. (Well, wal mart fruit punch, but same thing :-)

Drank egg drop soup on my way to my friends house. It was good, but hot! And, too many onions. While I dont think its specifically on my list, it was mostly broth and eggs :-)

Had fun with my friend, we talked for a while, she took my before pictures. Went to a gathering at a restaurant, and my first food craving hit. Man, I would kill for a cesar salad! I talked with my friends there, talked about white knuckle abstinence (a term from OA, basically doing it on willpower alone.) I knew that if I took a bite of something, I would eat the entire thing.

I ended up cheating, and got a chicken sandwich from McDonalds. Just ate the chicken, chewed it 20-25 times. (Will all food taste like crap when I chew it that much?) Looked longingly at the bread, then threw it away. Wanted more, but didnt do it.

Figured it Out.

From Kate Harding (Size acceptance blogger):
Kate Harding: The Fantasy of Being Thin

"But then, the other day, I got to thinking about a particular kind of resistance that shows up every single time anyone dares to say that dieting doesn’t work — the kind that comes from other fat people and amounts to, “DON’T YOU TAKE MY HOPE AWAY!” "

Now, she was talking about size acceptance, and not WLS, but I think the sentamint is the same.

I have been wondering about the outwardly hostile reactions that I have been getting from my overweight friends. Attacking me, saying if I could just diet and exercise, I would be thin.

And, me saying diets dont work, that surgery is the only option to lose weight, its like telling them "You have no hope unless you have mutilating surgery!" They think I am taking away their precious hope, that they can change their weight.

And, yes, I read size acceptance blogs. I am all for size acceptance, because its a very good possibility that I will be "fat" at the end of this. (My goal will put me on the very high end of the "normal" BMI, EWL % puts me around 200 pounds.) I dont think that people should put their lives on hold because they are fat, I dont think that society should be discriminating against fat people, and I even think our societies focus on weight hase CAUSED the weight issues in our society.

But, at least I know why these people are reacting the way that they do.

Liquid Diet:Day 1

So, I started my liquid diet after a great meal of mexican food (mmm, creamy jalapeno dip.) went out that night, had coffee.

(Day One). Had some broth, and some water. Headache was bad, but that was also caused by sitting in a waiting room for my brakes (woohoo! No more squeaky breaks!). I drank Starbucks half caf nonfat latte. I think Starbucks will be my salvation. Choked down a Proteinex (15 grams of protein in two tablespoons), though I dont think i'll do that again. (it was a free sample.) Had half of a cherries Jubilie Spiru-tein shake, tasted like cake batter, but would not mix for the world.