Fitness

I am starting a fitness routine.

I dont really care a lot about my weight. It can go up or go down, and I dont really pay that much attention to it. (Then again, my weight has stayed the same since moving in January, so I dont have to worry about it).

But, I have had a few friends point out that it seems that I don't have a lot of muscle mass, specifically in my upper chest/pectoral muscle area. Someone suggested push ups.

In some of my previous reading, I came across HundredPushups.com. Seems like an interesting starting point. :)

I will start when I get my room cleaned to the point I have floor space. Sometime this week :-)

Anyone want to join me? And/or, anyone still reading? :)

Weight Loss

Okay, body, I get it.

I am healthier. (I was able to walk up 7 flights of stairs, twice in the same night. I lived up 4 flights of stairs. I can walk around New York City all day and not feel winded.)

I am smaller (Down about 3-4 sizes since August, and my Avenue 14s and Maurice 18s are getting too big. The dress that didnt fit is slightly too big now. I am wearing Medium tank tops from walmart.)

But, please, can you change the number on the scale? I was 215 for months, dropped 5 pounds and am now at 210. I would love to be under 200. Please? Pretty please? With low fat whipped cream and sugar free sprinkles?

Dress and Updates

Sorry that I am not updating. My life is uber stressful and I have so little free time it is not even funny.

I bought a dress from the gap before I left Texas. It did not fit, but it was close enough to fitting that it was worth buying (I think it was like 5 bucks.) I had my mom ship it to me here in New York.

It fits. With room. :-)

however, the twice that I have been to the doctor here, I had not lost any weight. I will have to go seek out a scale again, but, ya know, weight isnt everything. Right now, I would just be happy to be able to shop in "regular" stores instead of this inbetweenie crap :-)

Weight Loss Resolutions

It kinda makes me sad when people make weight loss resolutions.

Part of it is the realization that the scale is not something that is easily influenced. If you change your eating habits, and work out, and the scale only moves slightly? Or in the wrong direction? What do you do?

The scale hates me. Rather, the scale did not move for several months. And, if I were using the scale as a measure of my "success," I would feel dissapointment. (And, yes, I kinda do.) However, I have lost sizes, been much more active, finished my thesis, and acomplished a hell of a lot of emotional work. Who cares if the scale didnt move during that time?

The scale is not the ultimate measure of success. In addition, it is not easily influenced. You can do "everything" right and gain weight. You can train for a marathon and gain 20 pounds. You can eat everything in sight and lose 5 pounds. Realy, who would the "success story" be?

I have a resolution to embrace walking. Part of that is that I am moving to a new city and have that option. Part is that I dont have a car, and am kinda scared of public transportation. Part is that I am frugal and cannot see wasting 2 bucks to go a few blocks. So, I will walk.

If I lose weight? Awesome! If I dont, I am still much more active than I was. I'll check the protein levels in my diet, and adjust those if needed, but otherwise not worry.

Happy New Year!

My Wii Fit has sat neglected while I wrote my thesis. I got on it a few days ago after transplanting it to my current temporary location. It said I gained 1.1 pounds since september.

I stepped on it, and it said I lost 3 pounds. So, my stallbreaker? No stress :-)

Which is a lie. I am under a lot of stress. I have been eating like crap. And, ya know, I dont care. I will be in New York in less than two weeks (eeek!) and walking everywhere. I will enjoy my time here.

Still debating taking the wii with me :-)

Where are the 'Biggest Losers' now? - 'Biggest Loser' on TODAY - MSNBC.com

Where are the 'Biggest Losers' now? - 'Biggest Loser' on TODAY - MSNBC.com

I was talking with my friend today. He said "Anyone can lose weight, but hardly anyone can keep it off." I think this slideshow support that. Sure, you can lose weight (by having your diet monitored closely and exercising several hours a day), but most of the winners and contestants gained back significant amounts of weight. All of them were lower than their highest weights, which if this were a weight loss trial, would be a "successful weight loss" trial. but most are still considered "overweight."

Still, it is an interesting slideshow, take a look.

Surgiversiary!

Happy surgiversiary to me!

One year ago, I was in the OR. Scary.

If you would have told me that a year later, I would be packing to move to New York? I would have said you were crazy, there is no way that I would do that.

Sugery is a physical process. Because of that process, I no longer physically have a large stomach. Weight loss occurs because of the stomach being smaller.

But, the real changes were mental. Yes, there is a big element of the looking glass self being reflected back in a more favorable way. But there are a lot of internal changes that happen as well. If I have the ability to walk up 3 flights of stairs, I am more willing to go into situations that might require physical activity. Which allows me to experience more, and do more things.

My New York apartment is up 4 flights of stairs. I would have never been able to imagine doing that everyday before surgery. Now, it will still be a challenge (especially with my suitcases!) but one I am looking forward to doing.

Oprah

Im tired of hearing about it.

Question? Oprah. One of the most powerful people in the entire world. Has tons of money at her disposal.

If Oprah cannot keep the weight off, how are *we* (the non rich people) supposed to do it? :-)

Diets do not work. Face it. If diets worked, none of us would be fat.

:-)

Turkey and Stuffing Soup

My mom thought I was crazy. I teased her all last year how I was going to make turkey and dressing soup. And I did. And it wasnt all that bad :-)

But, aha, my full liquid idea has taken shape. I give you Rachel Ray's Turkey and Stuffin' Soup

Christmas? :-D

Gallbladder

Since yall asked. :)

I have no insurance, so I cannot afford to have my gallbladder removed. There is a medication called Urso (or Actigal) that can disolve smaller stones if taken for a year or two. This is also a medication that many post WLS patients are put on after surgery, taken for 6 months after surgery can prevent the formation of gallstones during massive weight loss.

Also, I dont like the idea of additional surgery, nor removal of an organ that provides a good function. (Sure, ya, the excess part of my stomach is fine to get rid of :-) I am thinking of having surgery once I am covered by insurance, however, its not because of the gallbladder, but the additional issues that it is causing.

(Note: for those that have had their gallbladder removed, your body can still create stones and you can have "gallbladder attacks," so be aware of that.)

Because of the gallbladder issues, I cannot take estrogen containing birth control. Since stopping that birth control towards the end of July, I have not lost much weight on the scale. Ive now had irregular bleeding, which we attempted to control with progesterone only birth control, and that didnt work. We tried a higher dose of progesterone (Provera in pill form), which is causing depression :-) (I cant get the IUD in the US because my uterus is too small)

And, the next thing to try if the Provera did not work (which it did) was mega high doses of ibuprofen, which I cannot take that high of a dose due to my stomach. :-)

NYU requires insurance, and they cover preexisting conditions, so I will talk with the doctors there about my options.

Updates again

Vacation was wonderful!

I am accepted to NYU! I am moving to New York City!

Gallbladder issues have ramifications in so many other areas of medicine, especially with girly bits.

School is almost over!

Updates

So, a few updates.

I passed my thesis defense!

I got into an Avenue size 14 jean.

I binged on candy, and gained 6 pounds, then lost 8. I do not recommend candy binges to lose weight, but im glad the scale moved. I was getting very annoyed because I had lost 2 sizes without the scale budging a pound.

Leaving on vacation soon! :-)

I have a few posts brewing in my head, im working on them.

Sizes and Shopping

So, no weight loss recently. And, im okay with that. I havent been eating right, I am under lots of stress, etc. But, my sizes have gone down in the past month or so, so I am firmly into the 18 jeans.

I think I will plan on being overwhelmed and slightly panicky when shopping from now on. I went into a store that sold from sizes 1 to 24. Jeans are an 18, though I had to buy stretch jeans. And whats up with low rise jeans? Im also 5'7, and have to buy the "short" jeans, whereas my mom is the same height, and needs talls.

The cool thing about this store is that I could fit into size 18 jeans on the plus size, and then a size Large shirt on the regular side. No "Xtra" on that large, just a plain old large. They are kinda tight, but i'll shrink into them :-)

Lactose Intolerance

So, one of the side effects from the surgery is a lactose intolerance. It doesnt happen to everyone, but it happened to me.

I ordered an iced mocha from the coffee shop. I got soy milk, as I always do, but didnt think to check the mocha powder. It was mexican chocolate, so it had excellent spices in it, unfortunately, it also had milk powder. I had barely started drinking it before feeling cramps. Great.

Cheese is hit or miss for me, ice cream is kinda okay, but milk hits me quickly and hard.

Why do I talk about HAES

(Health at Every Size)

Why not?

HAES is not just for fat people. Its not just for skinny people, or just for non surgery people. HAES is a philosophy that one can improve their health without doing anything about their weight, and that ANYONE, at ANYTIME, can be taking steps to be healthy.

For me, HAES is also learning to not focus on the scale as a measure of success, or self worth, or failure. HAES is learning how to eat what my body wants me to eat, and how to move within myself.

One of the attitudes that the WLS "community" has is that same attitude that dieters have: the idea that one can restrict their calories to lose weight, and that this is the only thing they need to do. I see every day posts about "im not losing enough weight" (when they stall at 3 weeks out.) Or "I starve myself and im not losing weight." Yes, surgery is a drastic measure, and may often have complications, and many people regain their weight. But, teaching EVERYONE that they can listen to their bodies, eat what is good for them, and enjoy movement is a worthwhile endeavor.

Sure, I am a traitor to the cause. I had a radical surgery in which part of my stomach was removed from my body, in order to restrict the amount of food that I could eat. By this food restriction, I lost weight. But, I also practiced HAES philosophies while doing so. I listened to my body, I learned what it liked and did not like, I amazed myself at what my body would do for me, because I was treating it right. Stomach or no, those are still HAES ideas.

I also gained a lot of insight into myself, and a lot of insight into how the "Diet" mentality fits into things. A friend mentioned that "size acceptance" is not just fat people not trying to lose weight. "Size Acceptance" is accepting the size that you are, without judgment. Its about trying on clothing that is too small, and not jumping to "OMG, im gaining weight and its the end of the world." Regardless of the size and weight you started from. And, that is the mentality I am trying to break, regardless of current size, and even after having WLS.

I often reference the Fantasy of Being Thin when talking about how to live your life. EVERYONE needs to read this, regardless of their weight or surgery. As she says: "the message we’re sending is that you’re actually allowed to love your fat body instead of hating it, and you can take steps to substantially improve your health without fighting a losing battle with your weight."

If the Size Acceptance community will "accept" people with failed weight loss attempts/surgeries, why not accept those who are living HAES lifestyles but havent gained back the weight (yet)?

Yes, body, i'll listen to you.

Stall broken, ive lost 4 pounds in 3 days. After stalling for 1.5 months.

yes, body, i'll listen to your symptoms of hair falling out and feeling light headed as the kick that I needed to remember my protein. And, low and behold, I start eating more protein and fewer carbs, and my weight drops. (Hair still falling out, but hairs are on a different time frame.)

I bought biotin to start for the hair. Im back on calcium and my multivitamin, and I bought calcium to have at work so I can take it when I remember it.

Ive come to a better understanding and acceptance of my body. Though, I kinda dislike the viewpoint that I am more on display for others, but that is slowly going away. Or I am getting used to it.

Thesis proposal is at committee. Late, and my thesis is due in 5 weeks. AAAAaAaahhHHH!

Jeans

I can finally fit into my 18s.

Also, I can almost fit in one leg of my old 28s. I almost fell while doing so, but I can fit.

In both cases, it was the excess skin on my thighs that prevented/prevents me from doing so. But, hey, I can still wear skirts :-)

The bus

Last year, I used to watch on the bus. As the largest person (usually) on the bus, no one wanted to sit next to me. Many times, they would look at the empty seat beside me, and decide to stand.

Today, on the bus, I was on my shuffle, with my bag in the seat next to me, with my leg crossed. I just assumed that someone who needed to sit would go for another empty seat.

Nope. Rather than choose an easier seat, the person inconvenienced me, and sat beside me.

I smiled on the rest of the ride.

Calories

Its interesting how calories have come to symbolize food obsessions.

I dont track my food. At all. I eat what I want, and I try to make choices that are best for me, including lots of meat.

Every so often, though, i'll worry that im eating too much. Or not making good choices. I had that day yesterday, I went to Starbucks (mmm, soy iced caramel macchiato) and then got a chocolate chip cookie. I had been craving a cookie for a while, so I got it.

as I ate the last bite of the cookie, oh, about 4 hours later, I had a small freakout. OMG, I had an entire cookie, and a drink, and sushi! My calories must be through the roof! After tracking my calories, I ended up slightly over 1000 calories for the day. Which, while high, was not "through the roof." I also met my protein intake with the sushi :-)

I need to remember that I am making good food choices. I dont need to obsess over calories, and that my weight loss tends to focus on how much activity I get, not over what i am eating/not eating. :-)

P.S. I started a new blog for my Women's Studies class. You can reach it at Sex, Fat, and Women's Studies , or syndicated on livejournal at SexFatandWS .

(BTW, this feed has an LJ syndication at FatGirlShrinkin . My URL was too long :-)

Noticing

So, I went back to school this week. One class and my thesis and I am DONE! Woohoo!

Several of my professors have commented that I have lost a lot of weight. One of the bad things about keeping track of my weight closely is that I dont see the large changes. So, the fact that I have maintained this month (6 month stall, expected) made me kinda feel weird about my professors commenting.

But, ya know, ive lost 25 pounds this summer. Im now 102 pounds down from my highest weight. I guess thats noticeable. One of my professors didnt realize that I had surgery. :-)

I have a new blog for my Women's Studies class. Check it out at http://sexfatandws.blogspot.com/. Feel free to comment over there as well! :-)